I received an email from a friend with this question about my Lent. I have to admit that's the first time anyone has ever asked me that. I paused a moment, then I tried to answer her question:
"I have fallen down a bit on my normal spiritual practices, and I was feeling guilty about it. But then I read an article from a magazine by a group of Episcopal Brothers (I’m nothing if not loyal to my faith) about “the practice of the presence of God.” The author writes that if you’re having difficulty finding time for your practice, “It’s not that you need to give more time to your spiritual practice; but rather you might need to broaden your sense of what a “spiritual practice” is.”
I have struggled with the idea of what a spiritual practice is. I like to define what something is and is not. When I do Centering prayer, that is a spiritual practice. When I walk in the woods just enjoying the outdoors, that is not. My spiritual director has tried to correct me in these beliefs, but they are hard for me to accept.
The author of the article also spoke about Br. Lawrence of the Resurrection, one of my favorite Christian mystics. He strove to be aware of God constantly, whatever he was doing. I picked up my copy of The Practice and Presence of God and began rereading it. I especially appreciated the section where Brother Lawrence says that he sometimes forgets about God and feels guilty about it. But then he realizes that God forgives him, so he forgets about his mistake and continues to try to be ever-conscious of God's presence.
I think I get caught up in striving for perfection, and, as a result, I am continually disappointing myself. I think the key lesson Br. Lawrence teaches me is to let "perfection" go. God forgives me. I can't go back in the past and change things. My only choice is to move forward, to continue what I have started, to pick myself up and walk further on the path I have chosen.
There is yet another lesson: I will never ever be in "constant prayer," and if I forget to pray, its okay. There are still things I will learn and appreciate without being in prayer or meditating. It's okay to go on a walk and just enjoy the scenery. It can still be a spiritual experience. I wrote in an earlier post about the podcast which they begin by asking, "Where have you seen God this week?" When I look back on my week, I frequently remember times that included a "God sighting" without recognizing it as such at the moment. When I open my eyes I see things that I may not understand or appreciate until later. That can be a joy as well.
Brother Lawrence had an incredible spiritual awareness, and many people came to ask him advice, but he still washed the dishes (ineptly, apparently) and performed other duties around the monastery. A powerful spiritual experience can happen anywhere, at any time. You don't have to be alone, praying in silence by a lit candle, to experience God. I will strive to be open to that.
