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| Basket Contains a Rack so You Can Carry Two Pies! |
We tell stories of what's been going on in our spiritual lives since the last meeting. We speak in turn listening carefully to what our pilgrim-comrades say. After everyone has spoken, we each share what was particularly relevant and meaningful to us in what we heard the others say. This is all done in a quiet, prayerful way. It's amazing to me how far each of us has traveled along this path, and while our journeys are separate, they provide insight and guidance for each other as well. A real fondness for and closeness with each other has grown among us.
The last couple of meetings had been particularly emotional and shell-shattering for me, but I felt this month had been so quiet and uneventful, I was almost embarrassed to speak about it. As I listened to the others speak, I felt my reflections growing. When my time came, I spoke about my latest conversation with Jeanine, my spiritual director, who advised me to take a break from self-examination and to take time to just observe God's creations without expectations. I also realized that I had been pushing through the required readings, trying this practice and trying that, almost in a rush to the "finish line," whatever that is. I needed to let go, to forgive myself for not being as "productive" as I might prefer.
Once I began speaking about this, I discovered that God has been doing her work with me all along, even without my asking (which is actually the whole point of this process). I spoke about how when riding the bus to work, I've been putting down my book about halfway through the ride and using the final minutes to observe my fellow passengers and to love them and to pray for them. I wish them a happy day bringing them that much closer to their dreams, free from harm and pain. When I actually spoke about it at the group, I realized how much this was affecting me as well.
There is a podcast I love, Two Feminists Annotate the Bible, in which two young women, an Anglican priest and a Bible class teacher, are going through the entire Bible and providing their insights and reactions. The priest, Jordan, spoke recently about how people have said to her, "Well, if we're all going to heaven whether we behave well or not, why shouldn't I just do whatever I want?" Jordan's response is that when you do what God wants you to do, you are rewarded in this life; to which I say, "Amen," with all my heart. Since beginning this program, I have felt God is giving me such an incredible gift, for no reason other than she loves me. A prayer I've been using recently for centering prayer includes the thought: "God doesn't love you because you are good. God loves you because she is good."
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| Basket has two handles for carrying |
As a side note, the pictures I include this week are of a gift from one of the members of the group. I have over the course of the program talked about how I bake apple pies for the mission candidates here at Maryknoll, a sort of farewell gift of home to them before they go overseas. Baking these pies has become more and more a spiritual practice on my part, holding the missioners in my prayers as I go through each step in the process. When I mentioned this, my fellow pilgrims in the program responded, "We like apple pies, too." This week, small group member Carol gave me the basket pictured and told me it was a "pie carrier," something her mother used and that was given to her. She doesn't bake, so she thought I should have it. So our next weekend retreat (in April), I think I will have to bake two pies (there are 25 of us), one apple and one cherry, and use the carrier. It will be kind of a thank-you for this tremendous gift the program has been to me.
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| Mary blesses basket |
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